As presented in my original Proposal, I wanted to capture the thoughts and feelings of people who I know personally that will be having to take part or will be having to take part in Mandatory Military Service because their country requires it.
This however didn't work out completely, both people I asked wanted to keep quiet and not talk so much about it because this was a highly controversial subject. No more information was given to me other than what was said before in the unit, so I had to either make do with what I had or change the entire way the article would read.
My solution was to instead promote and inform people of what Mandatory Military Service is and why it's a bad thing and what places should be looking to do instead of forcing people into something they don't want to do.
Here is a quick draft of my second proposed idea -
An Intro to Mandatory Military Service
Mandatory Military Service is a big issue and I feel strongly about it because people are forced to do what they don't want to do. In basic form, Mandatory Military Service is where you are sent a letter by the government to attend a health check where later on you will be potentially recruited as a militant and have to serve your country. This is controversial as many believe it is cowardice to not what to participate in being proud for your country or be willing to fight for it.
Places like Lithuania, sent out letters to over 33,000 men last year to which only 8% turned up for their health check.
Why Mandatory Military Service Is Wrong
Mandatory Military Service is wrong and bad because it forces people into a situation they may not want to be in. For example, someone pulled into becoming a militant against their own will, will not only lose part of their freedom and the ability to do what they want but also potentially their family and job. Though the service isn't permanent, it is still unfair and should not be a part of todays world as it takes away people from what they wanted to do and everything they could have potentially built up.
How Fighting Is Not The Only Way To Be Patriotic
You can argue that you aren't patriotic for your country if you don't fight for it, and that is defendable to a certain degree as you can literally fight for your country. But not everyone is fit to fight or built emotionally for it. Doing things like providing a service to todays society whether it be you run a machine which boxes toothpaste, or you own an off-license, helps your country and show's your support in the grand scheme of things.
Concluding and Finishing Up
To finish as to why I think Mandatory Military Service is bad and why it shouldn't ever be a thing which reaches the UK is because it deserves no place in todays world, introducing something like Mandatory Military Service would be taking two steps backwards to resolving the core issue that in the world there will always be war. It's better to fight the good fight instead of risking innocent people lives with rash decisions such as forcing thousands of people into performing a duty they don't want to do.
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Why is this draft bad?
I personally believe that this is a bad draft and article piece as I feel as if my intentions throughout the whole article are unsure and read in a way I don't like. Another personal issue I have with the article itself is that I don't feel I went into as much detail as I could and the writing used is very simplistic and colloquial.
To alter this I would like to define a path I want to take further or brush up each category and its contents. For example, as a conclusion, I could give two sides to the argument and say what could happen as an ideal but still worse case scenario.
Is this draft Proofread?
As stated above, I feel as if the text doesn't read well. It doesn't flow in a way i'd like it to and the language used is just too basic and simple for my enjoyment. In terms of spelling however, everything within the draft is spelt correctly and the correct grammar and punctuation has been used.
Aside from the issue of the draft not reading how i'd like and the fact it doesn't roll off the tongue very well leads to an unenjoyable reading experience.
Evidence of expanding text -
As part of expanding the text within my article, I have chosen to highlight the changes I have proposed to the conclusion of my article. My reasoning is that I believe the conclusion in my draft is the weakest part.
The original conclusion from the draft:
Concluding and Finishing Up
To finish as to why I think Mandatory Military Service is bad and why it shouldn't ever be a thing which reaches the UK is because it deserves no place in todays world, introducing something like Mandatory Military Service would be taking two steps backwards to resolving the core issue that in the world there will always be war. It's better to fight the good fight instead of risking innocent people lives with rash decisions such as forcing thousands of people into performing a duty they don't want to do.
Updated and finalised conclusion:
Overall conclusion
My overall conclusion to this current issue that is being discussed is that the UK should definitely not reinstate a form of mandatory military service as in the modern day and age it has no place. It is also completely unfair to those who do not wish to fight.
If the military became in dire need of participants, places like high schools and colleges should be reached out to, to advertise and potentially recruit people for the military. NOT forced people into it for 9 months.
In a worse case scenario, the UK should adopt a form of mandatory military service that Norway does which is a lot weaker. (last year 63,841 men and women were called, only 9265 were taken on board.) This should ONLY be done if the resources are there- Weaponry, etc.
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